Thursday, October 1, 2009

I have to admit

That sometimes this whole God thing seems like utter bullshit to me. I mean mystery is cool and all, and it offers hope and it offers intrigue and all of those other really cool things. But sometimes I think to myself “what a load of crap”. What is the point? We struggle through life, we deal with the good, the bad and the ugly. We have times in our lives when things are not going well, one thing after the next and we try to keep it all at bay, try to get up and go to work each day, try to put it out of our minds and for what?

For a load of guesswork that’s what. Because in the end, despite the positive thinking, despite the ‘Just Do It’ slogans, despite all the cheap talk of God’s love, in the end when life is hitting us from every angle the bottom line is that we feel like we’re struggling through this on our own. And that’s the truth.

When I hear some guy talk about how he walked away from a car wreck because of his personal blessing of God’s protection while at the same time 500 people are killed in an earthquake it all suddenly becomes crystal clear to me that it’s all mostly just a bunch of guesswork. And perseverance and intestinal fortitude and a little bit of vodka or valium, which is a bit of a joke but it's really not all that funny. Sometimes I think it would be great to be able to just walk away.

This could be a good example of this thing that I referred to as doubt a few posts back.


  1. I know what you mean. Sometimes this whole thing about "God's will" and "blessings" confuse me. I don't question God's existence as much as I question how much intervention is possible and how much power WE have over those interventions -through prayers and positive thinking and that sort of thing. I'm not sure I'm making sense so I'll just stop here :)

  2. I know what you mean and clearly I was not in a positive place when I wrote this post. I have found that sometimes it just takes too damn much energy to try to find any positive thinking so I don't bother. Besides sometimes it just feels good to accept and admit the negativity and confusion. One thing is for sure, there's always somebody out there who understands that.