So Tiger Woods says:
“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect.”
We certainly don’t have to be told that Tiger is far short of perfect since we are ALL far short of perfect. I get that and so with that in mind and for just one freaking time here is what I’d like to hear one of these celebrities-caught-in-multi-year-indiscretion say:
“I knew the entire time that I was involved with these women/men/call girls/call boys/dogs/cats/horses/etc. that I was letting my family down and I chose to do it anyway. Clearly in light of that glaring truth my behavior was exactly in line and congruent with my true values which are much lower than the general public would like to believe. The only reason that I regret those transgressions with all my heart is that I got caught and now the paparazzi are camped out on my front lawn and I can’t even leave the house and I have endangered all of my multi-million dollar endorsement contracts and my wife keeps hitting me in the face with my nine iron. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect and because of that I’m not going to hand any of my adoring fans any bullshit about having high standards for myself when clearly I chose to violate those mythical standards repeatedly. “
We’d respect you a lot more and forgive you a lot quicker (assuming you give a rat’s ass about the public’s forgiveness which I doubt) if you’d ix-nay on the bullshit-ay. We’ve all screwed up a time or two or twenty. Nobody gives a damn if you’re sorry… nobody believes you anyway so why bother?
Lay low, tell the truth (or shut it) and I'm sure this will all blow over and we'll all still be cheering for you at next year's Masters.